The four by three inch paper appeared to be just one more scrap of Minor business. Unfolded, the 1837 ink revealed a delightful conversation between one Phineas R—- and my great-great grandfather’s eldest brother, twenty-two year old Abia Minor. *
I received your letters dated as afforesaid. It gave me a great deal of satisfaction. By golly I want if possible to give you a dis?nphon of the past and present times. For Instance….I am now setting here at a great Large Desk with my Noggin pretty darned well tumbled up, I tell you about matters and things. But says i, heres what ear stands it. I now stick my penn in the ink stand, lean back in my chair, touch back my hair and study something, that I think will be pretty darned good to you. I suppose you want the truth, do ya? AYE (but I’m not so shure that you get it)
As I walked out the udder evening I went through a tolerable thick spatch of bushes and hiked my self up on a darned big stump and was setting there a studdying about old times Behold, the first thing I new my pockets troused over and all were full of these helish big piss ants a going there dep?h, by Golly. So I began to jump Gim Crow, thats a considerable of a fact(there is a great many pis ants this year) Well now, what next my something I have no doubt. Girls is plenty and Gentlemen is plenty . ——-is plenty. Candles scarce. Consider some are beautiful. Some is ugly, some is large of mere size, some small but the most pretty best of all.
But although some of mine has got the Fidgets their like a real old hip and go, constant mare. But I think if you had put a Little stirrups of Spirtentine in your Horses (ass) and a little in yours you would both rode off in a tolerable fast canter. You would both fell big like Martin Van devil our most Honerable and not verry well respected President at this time (he’s going the hole hog, by Golly) with a Tump___hop___step___& fall.
Both you and Benjamin Evans must quit this practice of going a courting until you have some notion of marrying.
Boys, how fast can you run. The young men of this place is celibrated for running. We can run a 1/4 mile in 55 seconds and repeat, that a considerable of a fact. Don’t doubt for pity sake. This is one evenings employment I’ll try it —- tomorrow.
This is 13th day of June I will try to give a few more whats on Politicks. Lerigion Ave or the free Masons on the 24 of June walks at Richmond Ia (Iowa?) all thats in the state, I suppose. They will have a great time. I wish you was here, by Devil. I think that we would have lots of fun. Oh, I’ll tell you we have thespians in this town. Such performing you never in your life. Some will come on the stage half scared to depth while others is fiercing for it. I don’t . Now anything else at present to write till I git an answer from you. You must write wright off. You told me to scratch of a letter some how. I think that I have —–well. Oh. I want you to something about Mr. Van Buren, Good or Bad whither you are opposed to him or not. For my part I think they are a —?– to the middle regimes of Damnation.
With these words I remain yours Phineas R p——–
* I left the spellings as I found them, but I have introduced current standard punctuation. Otherwise the letter would have been two very long sentences. Ha!