People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
I will forget what my grandmother Kerma said to me during childhood. I will forget more memories of what she did during our visits. I will always remember the way I felt Thursday morning as I left her Health Center room.
“Who are you? Oh, yes, you are Kay. Marilyn’s daughter. And you are Caitlin, Kay’s daughter.” In spite of having to cite this familial connection at least six times, my grandmother’s smile lit up her corner of the world throughout our forty minute visit. After we hugged goodbye, she leaned back on her pillow, put her hand to her chest and coquettishly admonished, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” To which I replied, “Leaves me a lot of wiggle room, Grandmother! All I have to do is smile and I will get away with anything!” Such a belly laugh, coming from a tiny 105 year old lady, prompted everyone within earshot to join in!
My grandmother Kerma taught me the value of a smile and so, as I sit among the contents of six boxes-worth of her life, I harvest the way this brown-eyed lady made me feel–grateful, happy, content. The sorting and storing somehow seems less onerous; the sadness at her decline and estate dispersal remains in check.
I gathered blank address labels–some small and some large–and a pen. Three different sized clear containers stood ready for the storing. The 14″x11″x3″ rectangle will hold the old photographs and large clippings; the 14″x7″x5″ box will hold letters and small clippings; the 11″x6″x3″ container will hold small photographs. I have three containers of each size labeled either 1900-1954, 1955-1984 or 1984-2010. These time frames correspond roughly to the three generations of mementos that I have before me.
The letters have been studied and grouped by date, and sometimes read one more time before being nestled in the appropriate box. Photographs have been examined, and notes made to find out just who is the man in the second row, third from the right. High school graduation programs have been poured over to spot Grandmother’s name and a hush fell in my brain when I touched my parent’s wedding invitation. The vases, plates and odd items have been unwrapped, inventoried and wrapped again, and returned to the moving boxes–which now bear labels declaring their contents.
When my siblings arrive for Thanksgiving we will be able to choose where we start remembering. Treasures can be dispersed yet again as my brothers return home. Then all of us will have tokens of Kerma’s life to help summon up the way she made us feel: content, happy and grateful for a smile.
8 thoughts on “Sorting Saturday: Life’s Remains”
What a wonderful post for your grandmother. It’s always sad when they forget who you are but she will remember you in eternity and be grateful that you visited her during those times. Is that you with your grandmother in the photograph? Both look so lovely!
Thank you, Nancy. I would like to claim the beauty, but, alas, it is my daughter’s!! 🙂
Thank you, Kay, for leading me to feelings of joy, gratitude, and nostalgia this morning as I read your post. Yes, I am smiling, too. At the way you extend laughter, at your worldwide smile, at the photograph of Caitlin with her ggrandmother. And more deeply, knowing this visit presented a milestone challenge for you, yet look at what you chose to share!
Milestone challenge…yes. That challenge was met and the strength is helping me see clear through the ones remaining. Thanks for your words of encouragement, Leslie!
What a lovely remembrance of your grandmother. I’m sure she had quite a life having lived for 105 years to see so much change in this world as well as her family. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks, Michelle. The visit had been an emotionally wrenching experience, and the post just sorta evolved as I coped. I am so glad that you found it meaningful, too.
Very touching story and I love the photograph of your grandmother. She looks the pix of health if one didn’t know. Thanks for posting!
Thank you, Brenda. That photo is my reminder to reset my default mode whenever I start feeling overwhelmed or stressed. The greatness of a smile!