I have not written much on this blog since my mother died. The daily exercise failed to distract my grieving brain.
Instead I hopped into a genealogical burrow and nosed around through its labyrinth of story lines, tumbling out in previously unknown family territory and time. The research begged for more than a cursory post. I drifted for a while, before I befriended a deadline, and realized how important these “time to stop writing” moments are in the process of developing a story, of finishing thoughts, of discovering what emotional responses to ancestral tales actually mean–to me, today. An article has been published in my local genealogical society’s newsletter. I drafted a 3000 word essay, that still sucks, but is the transformative story before the story, the first baby step in confronting my family’s legacy of enslaving.
Now I return to the blogger community, to embrace daily prompts, tiny deadlines. This community is my channel, the place where my stream of words can bounce up against the research rocks, and rush over and under branches of “what ifs” and “whys”, to sing the past into the present.
Thank you for listening to my songs.